CD and Tea

There are certain undeniable, physical signs that I am reaching a stage of “heightened maturity”. The hair appearing in the ears, the effect of gravity on certain areas of the body, a quest to get healthy and the lack of energy to go with it.



But there are other, less distinguishable characterizations too. For example, I have …



OH, this is so hard to say …



I have been –



Drinking … tea.



There, I said it, and I feel better now for having confessed.



The brew I’d always referred to as “strained lawn clippings” is starting to taste good to me now, and I’m not just saying that because it’s free at work either. Earl Grey and Vanilla Chi especially are finding their way into a mouth once dedicated to coffee and diet soda.

I still can’t bring myself to drink it in front of too many people, so I drop the string into the cup and pretend it’s week coffee.

I have my pride.

On another note, I just bought an album by one of my favorite groups. I paid $5.00 for it in a discount bin under the title “olden goldies”. That was a little embarrassing, but on the other hand, it was only 5.00 and I already had all the songs memorized.

Finally, the last indication of my rapidly approaching geezerhood is that I just said I bought an ALBUM. It was on CD, of course, but it’s still an album. The language hasn’t changed.

Bob Hope once said that he had an acceptance speech written in case he ever won an Oscar. He said he wasn’t sure how old the speech was, but it was written in Latin. It’s up to us older guys to keep the ancient languages alive, so in that vein, let me just say - “TUBULAR!”

Drop back

“Having a stiff one” used to mean going to a bar and having a scotch – neat. (Yes, I realize there are other connotations of that phrase, but it’s not that kind of BLOG.) These days, it refers to one or another knee. Or my shoulder. Or my lower back.

Today is a good example. My lower back is stiff and sore: it’s a reaction to being in sharp pain all day yesterday. Before you ask, no, I didn’t lift anything, nor did I try to crawl around on monkey bars or swing on a swing set. There’s no point in going through all that if you can accomplish the same injury by sitting quietly. That’s efficiency!

I went to visit friends – that’s all I did.

It was a wonderful visit, though a bit rushed. The food was incredible, the conversation was witty and fun, the fellowship was amazing, the dining room chairs were torturous. Straight back wooden affairs, they were cute and quaint early-American killers.

After dinner, we went out on the patio with glasses of wine to chat. Beautiful patio, pool, two friendly dogs chasing each other across the yard. And a metal, straight-backed chair.

It used to be that such things might cause a minor momentary stiffness, something that would work its way out as I got up and moved a little. This time it caused a major pain that woke my wife whenever I rolled over in bed and manfully whimpered throughout the night. I might have slept better had I had one of those aforementioned stiff scotches.

I injured my lower back fifteen years ago; I had surgery and all the rest. It seemed like a wise move at the time, but now I realize it was probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Well, maybe in the top ten, anyway. There’s some impressive competition for the number one spot on that list.

This is why wisdom comes with age. The problem is that by the time you receive wisdom, it’s too late to use it.